Stop sending me virgins …
Do I look like a chaperone?
Month: May 2025
Easter
Chocolate is highly toxic to rabbits.
This makes me wonder if the Easter Bunny gives humans chocolate in a lagamorphic attempt to wipe out humanity?
Schrödinger’s Conspiracy Theory
Schrödinger’s conspiracy theory: You can’t tell if it’s real or not until the FBI lets you subpoena the records.
Stars Will Align
Julia: One day the stars will align.
DEATH: Yes! On 6 May 2492.
It’s the 1,000th anniversary of Columbus’ first trip.
Julia’s Dying
Julia says “I think I am dying.”
DEATH replies “I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.”
Festival Show
That’s settled then, my first festival show will be named “I only live this shit, I don’t understand it too!”
Phase
Don’t worry about being alive.
I know it’s just a phase you’re going through, you’ll grow out of it.
Kill or Die
Some comedians will kill.
Others will die.
Either way I’m happy.
Walls
JFK: Ich bin ein Texaner.
Ronald Regan: Mr Trump tear down this wall.
Socks
I buy my socks in pairs, I wear my socks in pairs, I put my socks in the laundry together and I still get odd socks.
I sort of understand this, but how the hell does it happen to my pantyhose?