Joke-a-day – Page 32 – Julia Clement

Autocorrect

I’ve finally convinced Autocorrect that I don’t give a water bird.

Now for the rare occasion when I want to name one.

Sheep are gregarious.

Named for Saint Gregory who taught them to bleat in harmony.

My superpowers are intact!

I hung the washing & now it’s raining.

So many people catch Covid from household contacts we should mandate masks & distancing at home.

Vinyl?

Nah, I’m waiting for shellac 78s to come back.

Better still wax cylinders.

Let’s hope the demons in Hell can parallel process punishments or eternity will be a very long time and seem longer.

Idearrhea: What happens when your head can’t contain all your thoughts

Why are earthquakes centred 45 km underground?

Cowards!

Come up to the surface and fight fair you trembling tremors.

MCs introduce nearly all comedians as “My very good friend”

Now I’m streaming comedy, is it “My very good Facebook friend?”

Santa’s favourite oil — Jojojoba.