Blogs – Julia Clement

Tap Dancing

Tap dancing lesson #1:

Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.

If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.

Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.

I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.

It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.

So let’s get this straight.

Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt?

Q: Where is decaf coffee made?

A: Ground zero.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.

(After George Orwell, 1984)

Sometimes I forget I’m dead.

The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.

Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.

OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian.

Think of something funny to say.