Blogs – Julia Clement

Occam’s Grooming Tools

I’ve come to the conclusion that conspiracy theorists bypass Occam’s razor in favour of Occam’s epilator!

True story and not a joke. Some time in the early 1920s Christopher Robin Milne is feeding condensed milk to a bear named Winnie at London Zoo.

Milne named his toy bear after Winnie and his father made a famous book or two featuring the pair of them and some other toys.

Commemorating the 100th anniversary of the publication of the first Winnie-the-Pooh book in 1926.

Panic buying toilet paper is a shitty thing to do.

I’m a comedian not an actor.

Stop telling me to “Break a leg!”

When my wife was a custom baker, I used to tell her to “Crack an egg.”

Why not tell me to “Crack a joke” instead?

We had fruit trees when I was a kid but I kept eating their children.

Marriage is a sacred covenant between one couple and the registrar of births deaths and marriages!

We give them money and they give us a certificate.

DEATH says “They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?

“I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me …

“I hate zombies.”

[followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]

(Reposted to match theme of last two days)

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?

A: VW Zombis.

(Repost to go with theme of yesterday’s post)

Why do zombies eat brains?

Why do vampires avoid the sun?

Why do werewolves hump your leg?