NZComedy – Julia Clement

Dying on Stage?

DEATH “They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?

I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me … I hate zombies.”

[followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]

DEATH: Here I am, laughing in the face of life.

[The mythological character formerly known as DEATH]

Julia: I have a bad cold.

DEATH: That’s funny, I have a bad Julia.

I really like my new name.

I am now called “It’s just a bad cold.”

[The mythological character formerly known as DEATH.]

If Luxon does end homelessness, who’s going to guard the shop doorways in Queen Street overnight?

The homeless woman that normally begs outside the Newmarket burger bar wasn’t there today.

I hope she’s gone somewhere nice for her vacation.

Nobody needs to be unemployed in this country.

You can always get a job sitting outside Burger bars asking for spare change.

A typo prone friend asked if his jokes were any god so I printed them and put 1 on each of 14 fresh graves.

No resurrections yet.

I’m writing a book about a science fantasy author who secretly writes romances.

It’s transgendre literature.

The set was ruined because the air guitar was out of tune and the air drummer’s tempo was worse.