Why would I buy accounting software from someone who can’t even spell Zero?
Tag: NZComedy
Rats
I’m unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects.
Personally I’d rather my blood was given to humans not rats.
LSD
LSD’s original name was LSD-25.
Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until #25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab’s portcullis.
Autocorrect Real Typos
Why does autocorrect “fix” everything except my real typos?
Coalition
Best thing about being in a coalition?
You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.
Worst thing?
You get blamed for their bad policies.
Geniuses
If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.
Closet
So let’s get this straight.
Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt.
Decaf Coffee
Q: Where is decaf coffee made?
A: Ground zero.
1984 Redux
If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.
(After George Orwell, 1984)
Say Something
OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian. think of something funny to say.