NZComedy – Julia Clement

Jokes

Jokes: a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the quips.

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?

A: VW Zombis.

I just don’t understand the English language.

If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?

Or iPhones with Grindr installed?

Julia says “Why is airline food so bad?”

DEATH replies “Something has to make post funeral refreshments seem good.”

I think I’ve got importer syndrome.

That feeling all my success comes from overseas.

Day 12,345, still no Godot.

DEATH steps in.

I’m over donating to cancer.

The cynical bastard takes our money and keeps killing people.

Have you ever noticed that insecure men’s penis jokes are like their own equipment: Too long, reedy and lacking strength?

Methamphetamine, morphine, methadone, and cocaine found in Auckland sewer system.

Where’s the crocodiles?

I ate a plant based carrot once and it was horrible.

Be careful out there gourmands.