NZComedy – Page 4 – Julia Clement

Duck It

I’ve finally convinced Autocorrect that I’m unlikely to say “I don’t give a water bird.”

Now for the rare occasion when I want to keep my duck.

Sheep are gregarious.

Named for Saint Gregory who taught them to bleat in harmony.

So many people catch Covid from household contacts we should mandate masks & distancing at home.

Nah, I’m waiting for shellac 78s to come back.

Better still wax cylinders.

Why are earthquakes centred 45 km underground?

Cowards!

Come up to the surface and fight fair you trembling tremors.

MCs introduce nearly all comedians as “My very good friend.”

Now I’m streaming comedy, is it “My very good Facebook friend?”

John suspected it was going to be a bad day when he saw his wife’s relationship status had changed to “Widowed”.

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material … especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.

Waiting at the airport I just got asked by an old couple if I could take a selfie of them. #fail