A Joke A Day – Page 26 – Julia Clement

Masking

So many people catch Covid from household contacts we should mandate masks & distancing at home.

Vinyl?

Nah, I’m waiting for shellac 78s to come back.

Better still wax cylinders.

Let’s hope the demons in Hell can parallel process punishments or eternity will be a very long time and seem longer.

Idearrhea: What happens when your head can’t contain all your thoughts

Why are earthquakes centred 45 km underground?

Cowards!

Come up to the surface and fight fair you trembling tremors.

MCs introduce nearly all comedians as “My very good friend”

Now I’m streaming comedy, is it “My very good Facebook friend?”

Santa’s favourite oil — Jojojoba.

John suspected it was going to be a bad day when he saw his wife’s relationship status had changed to “Widowed”

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material

…

Especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.