Cupcake

Super Hero File
Name: Cupcake
Origin: Retired pâtissière Tira Masu was delivering cupcakes to Auckland Hospital when a gamma ray beam was accidentally activated, turning her into Cupcake.
Powers: Produces irresistible pastries with so much sugar that villains go into a diabetic coma.
Weaknesses: Poor portion control requiring donating unused pastries to innocents.

Drunkman

Super Hero File

Name: Drunkman

Origin: Drank wine made from radioactive grapes grown downwind of Field Marshal Britain‘s lab. I have no idea why the radioactivity didn’t kill the yeast but bear with me now, it’s comic book, as a result of drinking this stuff he acquires the powers of … wine or more accurately someone who has had too much wine and became Drunkman.

Powers: When fighting criminals calls out “Hey you, come back here, I need to talk to you, wait, I need to talk, …” once they are hypnotised by his sway and monotone he stumbles into them and falls on them pinning them until help arrives and the ones who are too fast he knocks them over by ejecting super slippery projectile vomit straight at them. They slip over & he staggers over and falls on them pinning them until help arrives.

Weaknesses: Occasionally sobers up for a few hours.

Foes: Unknown but they might be sleeping in parks or under the motorway or shop doorways the important thing is they’ve got weapons, lots of weapons, AWESOME weapons because they’re Americans and Americans just love their weapons.

They actually wrote it into their constitution that they have to be armed at all times because if they put their guns down Sergeant Major Britain will come back and free all the slaves.

Affiliates: Aperitif

Field Marshal Britain

Name: Field Marshal Britain

Origin: Originally a super fan of Bernard Montgomery, independently wealthy Frederick Matthew Britain was injured by a runaway horse at the Trooping of the Colours and taken to hospital in a coma.

When he awoke he saw F. M. Britain on the bed’s whiteboard and decided he must be Field Marshal Britain, superb organiser.

Nothing since has managed to shake this belief.

Powers: Since the accident he really has been a superb organiser.

Somehow he has convinced the government to release radioactive material to his “Secret” nuclear research laboratory.

Aims: To end all Britain’s and the other 15 Commonwealth Realms’ woes through the application of peaceful nuclear technology.

Weaknesses: Minimal attention to safety. Half the heroes in the Realms originated in accidents at his lab.

Super Files

In 2015 I briefly did a joke about stupid superheroes, centred on Drunk Man, Woman Man + others at Field Marshal Britain‘s labs, loosely based on the style of the Marvel comics I devoured as a child in the 1960s.

Basically: Radiation + accident-> Super powers.

I revisited this joke in 2023-2024.

Now I’m doing an expanded set of Supers as memes.

Starts tomorrow.