Q: How many homophobes does it take to change a tyre?
A: One, the others stay in the car so they don’t touch his bum.
Blogs
A Woman is a Woman
A woman is a woman is a woman.
I was just late to the party, needing to find myself first.
I was on the hall table with the lost keys and the mail.
Loyalty Card
I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …
Every 10th joke is free!
Out of the Closet
I had to come out of the closet.
It was full of dresses that no longer fitted
At the Doctors
In the doctors waiting room.
The magazines untouched while all the patients use our devices.
I check a cover … older than the iPhone 1
Lipstick
When I say I fix up my lipstick after smoking, I mean I can only find my lipstick when I’m searching my handbag for a lighter!
Reposession
Forget to pay the exorcist & be repossessed.
Early Bird
We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.
You Do The Maths
Don’t ever say to a geek “You do the maths.”
We’ll stare at the ceiling for 5 minutes then say “72”, by which time you’ve forgotten the question.
Recycling
Definition of irony: I just discovered my recycling bin has no recycling mark.
Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I’ll have to send it to the landfill.