A Joke A Day – Page 16 – Julia Clement

Vinyl?

Nah, I’m waiting for shellac 78s to come back.

Better still wax cylinders.

Let’s hope the demons in Hell can parallel process punishments or eternity will be a very long time and seem longer.

Idearrhea: What happens when your head can’t contain all your thoughts.

Why are earthquakes centred 45 km underground?

Cowards!

Come up to the surface and fight fair you trembling tremors.

MCs introduce nearly all comedians as “My very good friend.”

Now I’m streaming comedy, is it “My very good Facebook friend?”

John suspected it was going to be a bad day when he saw his wife’s relationship status had changed to “Widowed”.

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material … especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.

Waiting at the airport I just got asked by an old couple if I could take a selfie of them. #fail

Organic food’s another name for an old idea.

My mum used to serve up steak and kidney, liver and bacon, sweetbreads, etc.

We just called it “Offal.”