A Joke A Day – Page 6 – Julia Clement

Touring

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?

A: VW Zombis.

(The mythological character formerly known as DEATH)

I just don’t understand the English language.

If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?

Or iPhones with Grindr installed?

“Why is airline food so bad?”

“Something has to make post funeral refreshments seem good.”

I think I’ve got importer syndrome.

That feeling all my success comes from overseas.

There’s a new dating app out for people who want to date Australians. It’s called Ockr.

Their slogan is “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, swipe, swipe, swipe.”

Day 12,345, still no Godot.

DEATH steps in.

Birthdays are funny things.

We’re basically celebrating that we haven’t died during the previous 365 days.

Why not celebrate the last day of every month we haven’t died in?

More parties.

I’m over donating to cancer.

The cynical bastard takes our money and keeps killing people.

WTF – Briscoes are having a sale! ???

It’s the end of civilisation as we know it.

Next you’ll have men and women marrying each other and we’ll all be getting bargains at The Warehouse.

Methamphetamine, morphine, methadone, and cocaine found in Auckland sewer system.

Where’s the crocodiles?