Totally pissed off at the scalpers.
My show’s been on sale for 4 days & they still haven’t bought all the tickets.
Month: March 2025
Penis Jokes
I’d tell penis jokes, but there’s a shortage.
Fireworks
If they ban fireworks at Guy Fawkes, how do we stop the papists returning and blowing up parliament?
Old iPhone
My iPhone is so old that when I pick it up, Siri says “Number please?”
Whale Food
Question on a quiz show:
The main food of Blue Whales is?
Krill, Anchovies, Sardines?
Obviously Krill, how’s a whale going to open a can?
Facebook 5G
You can’t call a person truly alone who has social media and 5G coverage.
Standing Too Close
Time to get tough on people who stand too close to themselves.
Cats
Are my wife’s pets my step cats or my cats-in-law?
Epilator
The epilator took 15 years to develop.
One to make it work & fourteen to make it hurt more.
Moon Landing
Cinematography in 1902 was nowhere near advanced enough to fake a moon landing so we have to accept Georges Méliès’ “Le voyage dans la lune” as a record of the first successful French moon shot.
It’s a shame that they lost their moon base to the NAZIs in 1940 & never got it back.