Joke-a-day – Page 28 – Julia Clement

Loyalty Scheme

I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …

Every 10th joke is free!

London to Sophia 2,013 km; Auckland to Sydney 2,223 km.

England is closer to Bulgaria than NZ to Australia yet we don’t confuse them.

Have you ever noticed that they have Mobility Parking yet Accessible Toilets?

Is this a subtle hint to men not to move too much in the toilet?

Gum crime is out of control!

Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.

They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.

Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.

Rocket fuel is so toxic that 51 years later nothing grows at the Apollo 11 landing site!

A woman is a woman is a woman.

I was just late to the party, needing to find myself first.

I was on the hall table with the lost keys and the mail.

I just don’t understand the English language.

If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?

Or iPhones with Grindr installed?

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in? A: VW Zombis.