I’m a comedian not an actor.
Stop telling me to “Break a leg!”
When my wife was a custom baker, I used to tell her to “Crack an egg.”
Why not tell me to “Crack a joke” instead?
Tag: Joke
Loyalty Card
I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …
Every 10th joke is free!
Autocorrect to Wrong Word
I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.
The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.
Yachts
Do yachts have “Sail by” dates?
Whiskey
If God had meant us to put ice in our whiskey they never would have given us the Sahara Desert!
Ockr
There’s a new dating app out for people who want to date Australians.
It’s called Ockr.
Their slogan is “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, swipe, swipe, swipe.”
Waiting For Godot
Day 12,345, still no Godot.
DEATH steps in.
Apollo
Rocket fuel is so toxic that 55 years later nothing grows at the Apollo 11 landing site!
Subtext
Super Villain File
Name: Subtext
Origin: The same alien beam missed its mark and hit Olivia’s bitter rival, Helen Hint. Now possessing the ability to speak only in riddles and hidden meanings, she became Subtext, a villain dedicated to spreading confusion!
Aims: Dedicated to spreading confusion!
Foes: Captain Obvious
Captain Obvious
Super Hero File
Name: Captain Obvious
Origin: Mild-mannered librarian Olivia Point was struck by a mysterious beam from an alien spacecraft, granting her the power to state the obvious so emphatically that it leaves her enemies dumbfounded! She took on the name Captain Obvious, battling crime with truth and simplicity.
Powers: States the obvious to confuse enemies.
Weaknesses: Is completely oblivious to sarcasm.
Foes: Subtext