July 2024 – Page 3 – Julia Clement

Dinner by C

Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C:

into blender and eaten with Corn chips.

(Yes, avo & tomato are deliberately misspelled)

I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.

It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.

So let’s get this straight.

Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt.

Q: Where is decaf coffee made?

A: Ground zero.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.

(After George Orwell, 1984)

Sometimes I forget I’m dead.

The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.

Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.

OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian. think of something funny to say.

No spoilers please, but Hamlet does win in the end, doesn’t he?

I mean Shakespeare wouldn’t be such an amateur that the hero loses?

Life guard at the pool said my swimsuit was too revealing then asked if I was male or female.

I replied “Then it can’t be that revealing.”