December 2024 – Julia Clement

Courts

I like kangaroos … Their courts are so efficient.

Breaking News: I dropped a tray of crockery!

Q: How many homophobes does it take to change a tyre?

A: One, the others stay in the car so they don’t touch his bum.

Ever noticed how they like to invent new names for old things so they can claim they’re a new idea.

Take driverless cars, 40 years ago we just used to say “Forgot to put the handbrake on.”

A large number of experiments have shown crystals to be just as effective as homeopathy without running the risk of water borne diseases.

My dog growls when he dreams.

I think he’s been sleeping rough.

I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.

The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.

Several brands of over the rim toilet cleaners have recycling marks.

Please don’t.

I’m a computer programmer so I deal in numbers.

Zero and one to be precise!

I had to come out of the closet.

It was full of dresses that no longer fitted