A Joke A Day – Page 13 – Julia Clement

Open Mic

Julia says “At an open mic, some comedians will kill and others will die.”

DEATH replies “All good. Either way suits me.”

Does the bar serve diet blood or just that crappy blood zero?

Asking for a friend.

Et in Arcadia Ego.

(“Even in Arcadia, there am I”, Mission Bay not Arcadia, but who’s counting?)

Birthdays are funny things.

We’re basically celebrating that we haven’t died during the previous 365 days.

Why not celebrate the last day of every month we haven’t died in?

More parties.

Add extra colour to your salads with these pretty red mushrooms.

Stop sending me virgins …

Do I look like a chaperone?

Chocolate is highly toxic to rabbits.

This makes me wonder if the Easter Bunny gives humans chocolate in a lagamorphic attempt to wipe humanity out?

Schrödinger’s conspiracy theory: You can’t tell if it’s real or not until the FBI lets you subpoena the records.

Julia says “One day the stars will align.”

DEATH replies “Yes! On 6 May 2492. It’s the 1,000th anniversary of Columbus’ first trip.”

Julia says “I think I am dying.”

DEATH replies “I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.”