A Joke A Day – Page 14 – Julia Clement

Moon Landing

I’m sick of the conspiracy nuts claiming NASA faked Flash Gordon’s 1934 Moon landing.

Be careful what you wish for.

You might find a specialist who will prescribe it.

London to Sofia 2,013 km; Auckland to Sydney 2,223 km.

England is closer to Bulgaria than NZ to Australia yet we don’t confuse them.

My dog growls when he dreams.

I think he’s been sleeping ruff.

Ever noticed how they like to invent new names for old things so they can claim they’re a new idea.

Take driverless cars, 40 years ago we just used to say “Forgot to put the handbrake on.”

I don’t have writer’s block!

I’ve been possessed by the ghost of Marcel Marceau!

Gender is what’s between the ears, not what’s between the legs

…

My gender must be wax.

“Optimists say the cup is half full Pessimists say the cup is half empty. Julia doesn’t care as long as the half that’s there is coffee.”

— a former co-worker

Do yachts have “Sail by” dates?

If God had meant us to put ice in our whiskey they never would have given us the Sahara Desert!