A Joke A Day – Page 14 – Julia Clement

First Festival Show

That’s settled then, my first festival show will be named “I only live this shit, I don’t understand it too.”

Don’t worry about being alive.

I know it’s just a phase you’re going through, you’ll grow out of it.

Some comedians will kill.

Others will die.

Either way I’m happy.

JFK: Ich bin ein Texaner.

Ronald Regan: Mr Trump tear down this wall.

I buy my socks in pairs, I wear my socks in pairs, I put my socks in the laundry together and I still get odd socks.

I sort of understand this, but how the hell does it happen to my pantihose?

David Seymour: Too many children are spreading Covid at school.

DEATH: Not wanting to endorse breathing, but can’t you limit it to their breaks?

Was a viking’s wife a viqueen?

All berries are edible.

Some only once.

My friend lost a lot of weight off her belly because of surgery that went wrong.

She was gutted.

They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?

I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me … I hate zombies.” [followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]