A Joke A Day – Page 13 – Julia Clement

Boundary Changes

They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.

Gum crime is out of control!

Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.

One country’s athletes have been banned from Paralympics for doping.

The clue was their diabetic team weren’t in a coma.

Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.

Being an uber geek I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering about major issues like “Do earthworms have parasites?”

So ironic that I’m now DEATH’s ghostwriter.

Celery. Get addicted to celery.

Gambling, sugar, sex, heroin, tobacco, meth-amphetamine addictions will kill you or ruin your life.

Celery is the answer.

Celery is a pretty harmless thing to be addicted to, just don’t mainline the bloody stuff!

I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.

The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.

Airline food’s bad because something has to make hospital food look good.

I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.

My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.