Life guard at the pool said my swimsuit was too revealing then asked if I was male or female.
I replied “Then it can’t be that revealing.”
Author: A Joke A Day
Mnemonic
I wrote a letter today and used the word “Mnemonic” four times.
Every single time I spelled it wrong, so I wrote this little mnemonic to remember it “Many Nematodes Eat Mushy Organic Noodles In Cafes” which would be great if only I could remember how to spell nematoads.
Helium Cookbook
My doctor told me I need a lighter diet so I wrote The Helium Cookbook
Tunnel
I wanted to take the Waterview tunnel, but someone told me where it came out.
SPOILER!
Live Forever
I intend to live forever, or die trying.
(I can’t believe that’s original, but can’t remember hearing it)
Trolls
I don’t understand how Internet trolls function.
How do they get decent WIFI under the bridge?
Side Splitting
Comedy’s all fun and games until someone splits their sides.
Scalpers
Totally pissed off at the scalpers.
My show’s been on sale for 4 days & they still haven’t bought all the tickets.
Penis Jokes
I’d tell penis jokes, but there’s a shortage.
Guy Fawkes
If they ban fireworks at Guy Fawkes, how do we stop the papists blowing up parliament?