NZComedy – Page 3 – Julia Clement

Maritime

Do yachts have “Sail by” dates?

We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.

I applied for a job as a comedian but the recruiter just laughed at me.

Homeopathic cure for drowning:

Start with water & dilute it with water until there is no water left.

Because of the bad publicity, Covid-19 has gone into hiding & is now named Covert-19.

65.5 million years ago an asteroid crashed into Mexico and wiped out the dinosaurs.

Including those further north who hadn’t the foresight to build a wall.

Too soon?

I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.

My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.

I just found out a Cockapoo is a type of dog.

That’s worse than taking the piss.

I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …

Every 10th joke is free!

London to Sofia 2,013 km; Auckland to Sydney 2,223 km.

England is closer to Bulgaria than NZ to Australia yet we don’t confuse them.