Joke-a-day – Page 8 – Julia Clement

Earlybird

We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.

I applied for a job as a comedian but the recruiter just laughed at me.

Homeopathic cure for drowning:

Start with water & dilute it with water until there is no water left.

Because of the bad publicity, Covid-19 has gone into hiding & is now named Covert-19.

65.5 million years ago an asteroid crashed into Mexico and wiped out the dinosaurs.

Including those further north who hadn’t the foresight to build a wall.

Too soon?

I stopped ride sharing when my car broke down underground.

My mechanic said it was the worst case of carpool tunnel syndrome he’d ever seen.

I just found out a Cockapoo is a type of dog.

That’s worse than taking the piss.

I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …

Every 10th joke is free!

London to Sofia 2,013 km; Auckland to Sydney 2,223 km.

England is closer to Bulgaria than NZ to Australia yet we don’t confuse them.

Have you ever noticed that they have Mobility Parking yet Accessible Toilets?

Is this a subtle hint to men not to move too much in the toilet?