AucklandComedy – Page 11

Washing Machines

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material … especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.

Waiting at the airport I just got asked by an old couple if I could take a selfie of them. #fail

Organic food’s another name for an old idea.

My mum used to serve up steak and kidney, liver and bacon, sweetbreads, etc.

We just called it “Offal.”

Have you ever noticed how several of our towns & cities are named after places in Britain and India?

Dunedin after Edinburgh, Clutha after the river Clyde, Bombay after Mumbai, and Cashmere after Kashmir to name four.

They were so embarrassed they changed their names to avoid us.

I hate the way autocorrect censors my posts.

Every fishing line.

A shart is just nature’s way of reminding you to change your underwear.

I think I’ll start a beauty parlor promoted as “By bad spellers for poor readers.”

I’ll call it Heredressers.

After decades of slaving in the data mines I’ve caught hexadecaphobia.

All the bugs in programs I write are lovingly hand crafted.