AucklandComedy – Page 11

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling Rivalry: My Roomba just choked itself trying to eat the big vacuum cleaner’s power cord.

I’m unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects.

Personally I’d rather my blood was given to humans, not rats.

LSD’s original name was LSD-25.

Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until number 25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab’s portcullis.

Santa’s favourite oil — Jojojoba.

When I registered juliaclement.com, Godaddy suggested I should also register juliakind.com and juliamild.com.

When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply “Dreadful, that’s like something out of Dickens” shake my head & walk off …

I would have made a great Disney villain.

Why does autocorrect “fix” everything except my real typos?

Best thing about being in a coalition?

You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.

Worst thing?

You get blamed for their bad policies.

Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.

Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.