AucklandComedy – Page 12

Washing Machines

I hate washing machines.

They are always stealing my material … especially socks.

There are none so blind as those who won’t wear bifocals.

Waiting at the airport I just got asked by an old couple if I could take a selfie of them. #fail

Organic food’s another name for an old idea.

My mum used to serve up steak and kidney, liver and bacon, sweetbreads, etc.

We just called it “Offal.”

Chocolate is highly toxic to rabbits.

This makes me wonder if the Easter Bunny gives humans chocolate in a lagamorphic attempt to wipe out humanity?

I hate the way autocorrect censors my posts.

Every fishing line.

All the bars and bottle stores being closed at Easter is driving me to drink.

A shart is just nature’s way of reminding you to change your underwear.

I think I’ll start a beauty parlor promoted as “By bad spellers for poor readers.”

I’ll call it Heredressers.

I’ve dropped all my jokes about polygons … too edgy.