AucklandComedy – Page 20

Gum Crime

Gum crime is out of control!

Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.

They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.

Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.

Rocket fuel is so toxic that 51 years later nothing grows at the Apollo 11 landing site!

A woman is a woman is a woman.

I was just late to the party, needing to find myself first.

I was on the hall table with the lost keys and the mail.

I just don’t understand the English language.

If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?

Or iPhones with Grindr installed?

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in? A: VW Zombis.

If God had meant us to put ice in our whiskey, they never would have given us the Sahara Desert!

Schrödinger could never tell if his Girlfriend was satisfied or not.

Jokes: a moment on the lips and a lifetime on the quips.