Q: How many homophobes does it take to change a tyre?
A: One, the others stay in the car so they don’t touch his bum.
Month: March 2024
Driverless Cars
Ever noticed how they like to invent new names for old things so they can claim they’re a new idea.
Take driverless cars, 40 years ago we just used to say “Forgot to put the handbrake on”
#DriverlessCars #Nostalgia #Handbrake #AucklandComedy #NZComedy
Crystals
A large number of experiments have shown crystals to be just as effective as homeopathy without running the risk of water borne diseases.
Sleeping Dogs
My dog growls when he dreams.
I think he’s been sleeping ruff.
Autocorrect
I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.
The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.
Onehunga, Free Comedy, 19/3/24
Outdoor Open Mic comedy at 7 PM this Tuesday 19 March in Jellicoe Park, 80 Quadrant Road, Onehunga.
It starts to get quite cold towards the end of the show so BRING SOMETHING WARM TO THROW ON.
Free, but koha gladly accepted.
This is a fully accessible venue with on-street parking and near the 30 bus route.
As an open mic we can’t control the jokes that individual comedians tell, parental discretion is advised.
Check the event at https://fb.me/e/1FSshEfwl for more info and postponement notices.
Organisers: Julia & Tessa Clement
Free Comedy, Balmoral, 20/3/24
Outdoor Open Mic comedy at 7 PM this Wednesday 20 March in Potters Park, corner of Dominion & Balmoral Roads.
It starts to get quite cold towards the end of the show so BRING SOMETHING WARM TO THROW ON.
Free, but koha gladly accepted.
This is a fully accessible venue with on-street parking and near the Outer Link, 25 & 650 bus routes.
As an open mic we can’t control the jokes that individual comedians tell, parental discretion is advised.
Check the event at https://fb.me/e/7dReI9eXt for more info and postponement notices.
Organisers: Julia & Tessa Clement
Toilet Cleaners
Several brands of over the rim toilet cleaners have recycling marks.
Please don’t.
Computer Programmer
I’m a computer programmer so I deal in numbers.
Zero and one to be precise!
#Programmer #ComputerProgrammer #ZeroAndOne #Joke #AucklandComedy #NZComedy
Closet
I had to come out of the closet.
It was full of dresses that no longer fitted.