Joke-a-day – Julia Clement

Break a Leg

I’m a comedian not an actor.

Stop telling me to “Break a leg!”

When my wife was a custom baker, I used to tell her to “Crack an egg.”

Why not tell me to “Crack a joke” instead?

We had fruit trees when I was a kid but I kept eating their children.

Marriage is a sacred covenant between one couple and the registrar of births deaths and marriages!

We give them money and they give us a certificate.

DEATH says “They said that comedian died … how stupid do they think I am?

“I can see they’re still walking and they don’t look like a zombie to me …

“I hate zombies.”

[followed by 2 minute rant about zombies]

(Reposted to match theme of last two days)

Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?

A: VW Zombis.

(Repost to go with theme of yesterday’s post)

Why do zombies eat brains?

Why do vampires avoid the sun?

Why do werewolves hump your leg?

I’ve just realised. Butter really doesn’t melt in vegans’ mouths.

I’m carefully studying the margarine.

I don’t want to spread any fake butter.

I bought a large tub of margarine to share with my neighbours …

community spread.