January 2026 – Julia Clement

Open Mics

Julia: At an open mic, some comedians will kill and others will die.

DEATH: All good. Either way suits me.

“Does the bar serve diet blood or just that crappy blood zero? Asking for a friend.” The mythological creature formerly known as DEATH

DEATH: Et in Arcadia Ego. (“Even in Arcadia, there am I”, Mission Bay not Arcadia, but who’s counting?)

Julia: One day the stars will align.

DEATH: Yes! On 6 May 2492. It’s the 1,000th anniversary of Columbus’ first trip.

DEATH: Add extra colour to your salads with these pretty red mushrooms.

Stop sending me virgins …

Do I look like a chaperone?

Schrödinger’s conspiracy theory: You can’t tell if it’s real or not until the FBI lets you subpoena the records.

Has anyone else noticed the similarity between Baron Trump and Eddie Munster?

I wonder if they could be related?

Julia: I think I am dying.

DEATH, The Grin Reaper: I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.

That’s settled then, my first festival show will be named “I only live this shit, I don’t understand it too!”