Q: How many homophobes does it take to change a tyre?
A: One, the others stay in the car so they don’t touch his bum.
Author: A Joke A Day
Driverless Cars
Ever noticed how they like to invent new names for old things so they can claim they’re a new idea.
Take driverless cars, 40 years ago we just used to say “Forgot to put the handbrake on”
#DriverlessCars #Nostalgia #Handbrake #AucklandComedy #NZComedy
Crystals
A large number of experiments have shown crystals to be just as effective as homeopathy without running the risk of water borne diseases.
Sleeping Dogs
My dog growls when he dreams.
I think he’s been sleeping ruff.
Autocorrect
I hate the way autocorrect manages to choose the wrong word.
The price of intelligibility is consonant vigilante.
Toilet Cleaners
Several brands of over the rim toilet cleaners have recycling marks.
Please don’t.
Computer Programmer
I’m a computer programmer so I deal in numbers.
Zero and one to be precise!
#Programmer #ComputerProgrammer #ZeroAndOne #Joke #AucklandComedy #NZComedy
Closet
I had to come out of the closet.
It was full of dresses that no longer fitted.
Insomnia
Being an uber geek I still sometimes wake up in the middle of the night wondering about major issues like “Do earthworms have parasites?”
After I wrote this, I googled & it turns out they do. Rhabditis is a genus (group) of nematodes (worms) from 0.5mm to 2.9mm long, species of which infect larger animals from worms to cows.
Knees
Safety Tip: Always bend your knees not your back when bashing your head against a brick wall.