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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Tag: AucklandComedy

Placebos

Placebos

My hypochondria’s so bad my doctor prescribes me broad spectrum placebos.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 25, 2025September 24, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Hypochondria, NZComedy, Placebos

Light bulbs

Light bulbs

It’s getting dark outside.

I think I’ll go and panic buy light bulbs.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 24, 2025September 24, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Lightbulbs, NZComedy

Toads

Toads

Q: Why did the chicken cross the toad?

A: Autocorrect!

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 23, 2025September 20, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Autocorrect, Comedy, CrossThetoad, Toad

Maxi-dress

Maxi-dress

I look pretty hot in everything except maxi-dresses.

Nobody looks good in a maxi-dress.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 22, 2025September 22, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Maxi-dress, NZComedy

Time and ?

Time and ?

Time and peristalsis wait for no-one.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 21, 2025September 20, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, EarthWorms, NZComedy, Peristalsis, Time

New Study

New Study

A new study shows that people will believe almost anything that begins “New study shows.”

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 20, 2025September 16, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, BreakingNews, Comedy, NewStudy, NZComedy, Study

Philip K. Dick

Philip K. Dick

Why do I feel like I’m living in a Philip K. Dick novel?

Probably “Now Wait For Last Year.”

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 19, 2025September 19, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, SciFi, Time Travel

Karma?

Karma?

I don’t believe in karma.

I’m still trying to decide how I feel about korma!

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 18, 2025September 16, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Food, Karma, NZComedy

Low Fibre

Low Fibre

Toilet paper shortage?

I’m switching to a low fibre diet for the duration.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 17, 2025September 13, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, LowFibre, NZComedy, ToiletPaper

Numbers

Numbers

I don’t want to seem irrational but I can never remember if numbers are real or imaginary or both and that’s integral to a complex problem!

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on September 16, 2025September 13, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Mathematics, Maths, Numbers, NZComedy

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Events

  • March 20, 2026
  • Pt Chev, Comedy in Coyle Park
    • March 20, 2026
    • Point Chevalier
  • March 24, 2026
  • Comedy, Library Square, New Lynn
    • March 24, 2026
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  • March 27, 2026
  • Auckland Domain Bandstand New Comedy
    • March 27, 2026
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  • March 31, 2026
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    • March 31, 2026
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  • April 3, 2026
  • Selwyn Domain, Mission Bay
    • April 3, 2026
    • Mission Bay

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