I just don’t understand the English language.
If homophobes are people who hate gays, why aren’t homophones people who chat to gays?
Or iPhones with Grindr installed?
Tag: AucklandComedy
Tour of Europe
Q: What do dead Kiwis tour Europe in?
A: VW Zombis.
Satisfaction
Schrödinger could never tell if his Girlfriend was #satisfied or not.
Waiting Room
In the doctors waiting room.
The magazines untouched while all the patients use our devices. I check a cover … older than the iPhone 1
(Last time I was in my Doctor’s Waiting room I noticed that the magazines were gone … obviously this joke needs retiring.)
Irony
Definition of irony: I just discovered my recycling bin has no recycling mark.
Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I’ll have to send it to the landfill.
Truth
On the stage everything I said was true, but not everything was said.
Not that I was selective with the truth, I only had 20 minutes.
Parallel Universes
What about those parallel universes?
Like ours except for trivial changes.
Untold numbers of realities where Hillary was elected, dozens where Jacinda never replaced Little, a few where Trump was a good president and maybe even one where Windows doesn’t crash?
Between the Ears
Gender is what’s between the ears, not what’s between the legs …
My gender must be wax.
Physarum Polycephalum
Physarum polycephalum is a slime mold with 507 sexes.
Can you imagine what their version of Tindr must be like?
Celery
Get addicted to celery.
Gambling, sugar, sex, heroin, tobacco, meth-amphetamine addictions will kill you or ruin your life.
Celery is the answer.
Celery is a pretty harmless thing to be addicted to, just don’t mainline the bloody stuff