Comedy – Page 17 – Julia Clement

Sleeping Dog

My dog growls when he dreams.

I think he’s been sleeping ruff.

All the bars & bottle stores being closed at Easter is driving me to drink.

Ever noticed how they like to invent new names for old things so they can claim they’re a new idea.

Take driverless cars, 40 years ago we just used to say “Forgot to put the handbrake on.”

I don’t have writer’s block!

I’ve been possessed by the ghost of Marcel Marceau!

Gender is what’s between the ears, not what’s between the legs …

My gender must be wax.

“Optimists say the cup is half full Pessimists say the cup is half empty.

“Julia doesn’t care as long as the half that’s there is coffee.”

— a former co-worker

Do yachts have “Sail by” dates?

Several brands of over the rim toilet cleaners have recycling marks.

Please don’t.

If God had meant us to put ice in our whiskey they never would have given us the Sahara Desert!

65.5 million years ago an asteroid crashed into Mexico and wiped out the dinosaurs.

Including those further north who hadn’t the foresight to build a wall.

Too soon?