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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Tag: Comedy

Side Splitting

Side Splitting

Comedy’s all fun and games until someone splits their sides.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 25, 2026June 24, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Side Splitting

Scalpers

Scalpers

Totally pissed off at the scalpers.

My show’s been on sale for 4 days and they still haven’t bought all the tickets.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 24, 2026June 22, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Scalpers, Show, Tickets

Penis Jokes?

Penis Jokes?

I’d tell penis jokes, but there’s a shortage.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 23, 2026June 22, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Penis Jokes

Blue Whales

Blue Whales

Question on a quiz show: The main food of Blue Whales is?

  • Krill,
  • Anchovies,
  • Sardines?

Obviously Krill, how’s a whale going to open a can?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 22, 2026June 20, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Blue Whales, Comedy, Food, NZComedy

Too Close?

Too Close?

Time to get tough on people who stand too close to themselves.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 20, 2026June 18, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Masking, NZComedy, Social Distancing

Cats

Cats

Are my wife’s pets my step cats or my cats-in-law?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 19, 2026June 19, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Cats, Comedy, NZComedy, Wife's cats

Epilator

Epilator

The epilator took 15 years to develop.

One to make it work & fourteen to make it hurt more.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 18, 2026June 15, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Epilator, NZComedy, Pain

Social Media

Social Media

You can’t call a person truly alone who has social media and 5G coverage.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 17, 2026June 15, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags 5G, AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Social Media

Moon Landing

Moon Landing

Cinematography in 1902 was nowhere near advanced enough to fake a moon landing so we have to accept Georges Méliès’ <> as a record of the first successful French moon shot.

It’s a shame that they lost their moon base to the NAZIs in 1940 & never got it back.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 16, 2026June 15, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, France, Moon Landing, NZComedy

Winston Peters

Winston Peters

Winston’s the laxative of NZ politics.

If he’s the answer, you really can’t give a shit.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 15, 2026June 13, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Politics, Winston

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