April 2024 – Julia Clement

Break A Leg

I’m a comedian not an actor.

Stop telling me to “Break a leg!”

When my wife was a custom baker, I used to tell her to “Crack an egg.”

Why not tell me to “Crack a joke” instead?

We had fruit trees when I was a kid but I kept eating their children.

Marriage is a sacred covenant between one couple and the registrar of births deaths and marriages!

We give them money and they give us a certificate.

Why do zombies eat brains?

Why do vampires avoid the sun?

Why do werewolves hump your leg?

I bought a large tub of margarine to share with my neighbours

…

Community spread.

There’s nothing funny about being funny.

I’ve finally convinced Autocorrect that I don’t give a water bird.

Now for the rare occasion when I want to name one.

Sheep are gregarious.

Named for Saint Gregory who taught them to bleat in harmony.

My superpowers are intact!

I hung the washing & now it’s raining.