A Joke A Day – Page 10 – Julia Clement

Virgins

Stop sending me virgins …

Do I look like a chaperone?

Chocolate is highly toxic to rabbits.

This makes me wonder if the Easter Bunny gives humans chocolate in a lagamorphic attempt to wipe humanity out?

Schrödinger’s conspiracy theory: You can’t tell if it’s real or not until the FBI lets you subpoena the records.

Julia says “One day the stars will align.”

DEATH replies “Yes! On 6 May 2492. It’s the 1,000th anniversary of Columbus’ first trip.”

Julia says “I think I am dying.”

DEATH replies “I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.”

That’s settled then, my first festival show will be named “I only live this shit, I don’t understand it too.”

Don’t worry about being alive.

I know it’s just a phase you’re going through, you’ll grow out of it.

Some comedians will kill.

Others will die.

Either way I’m happy.

JFK: Ich bin ein Texaner.

Ronald Regan: Mr Trump tear down this wall.

I buy my socks in pairs, I wear my socks in pairs, I put my socks in the laundry together and I still get odd socks.

I sort of understand this, but how the hell does it happen to my pantihose?