Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer
Super Associate File
Name: Laundress
Origin: Ran the laundry at Field Marshal Britain‘s secret research facility until one day some radioactive lab clothes arrived and she was splashed turning her into Laundress.
Powers: Hanging laundry outside on even the sunniest of days causes it to immediately start raining.
Weaknesses: Doesn’t trust driers.
Foes: Grease and Grime.
Super Hero File
Name: Dinosaur Lass
Origin: Another bite, although how Sir David Attenborough became radioactive eludes me.
Powers: Currently does infomercials promoting the Jurassic diet. No fruit & everything tastes like chicken.
Weaknesses: Almost useless short arms.
Foes: The Asteroid.
Super Neutral File
Name: King’s Counsel
Origin: Courtney King was a lowly paralegal in the loss adjustment department of Field Marshal Britain‘s Nuccorp Insurance until she was bitten by a radioactive lawyer and acquired the power of attorney.
Powers: Can slow court cases until the other side runs out of money.
Aims: To retire with vast wealth from usurious fees.
Weaknesses: Summary Judgement.
Foes: The Jury
Super Villain File
Name: Doctor Doctor
Origin: In an accident during radiotherapy where the clinician was rendered radioactive, he was bitten by the clinician gaining vast medical abilities.
Powers: Preventative medicine including hygiene, vaccines, antibiotics and other Big Pharma products, logic, science & reason.
Aims: To destroy the planet’s ecosystem by ending childhood mortality and increasing human lifespans beyond Earth’s carrying capacity.
Weaknesses: Funding cuts
Foes: Antivax Mom, The Homeopath, Shane Reti, Winston Peters & The Cookers.
Affiliates: NZMA, Big Pharma.
Super Sidekick File
Name: ManMan
Origin: WomanMan’s former research partner who was also bitten by the same radioactive lab assistant and became ManMan.
Powers: He’s pretty crap really but takes all the credit for WomanMan’s successes. He not only mansplains as well as WomanMan but constantly talks over the victims, villains & police. He does have a superpower being able to emit a hypersonic stream of urine that can cut steel, but we don’t know how effective this is as he’s yet to hit his target.
Weaknesses: Massive ego.
Foes: His ego doesn’t let him acknowledge them.
Affiliates: WomanMan, Field Marshal Britain.
Super Hero File
Name: WomanMan
Origin: Originally a research scientist in Field Marshal Britain’s nuclear research facility until the day when fighting a reactor meltdown she was badly gummed by a dying radioactive male lab assistant turning her into WomanMan.
Powers: The powers of a man including massive overconfidence and when the villains try to launch into long explanations of their plans she mansplains all the flaws so they just give up and surrender.
Weaknesses: Fails to admit her limits.
Foes: Dr HashtagNotAllMen & The Chauvinist.
Affiliates: ManMan, Field Marshal Britain
Super Hero File
Name: Cupcake
Origin: Retired pâtissière Tira Masu was delivering cupcakes to Auckland Hospital when a gamma ray beam was accidentally activated, turning her into Cupcake.
Powers: Produces irresistible pastries with so much sugar that villains go into a diabetic coma.
Weaknesses: Poor portion control requiring donating unused pastries to innocents.
Super Hero File
Name: Drunkman
Origin: Drank wine made from radioactive grapes grown downwind of Field Marshal Britain‘s lab. I have no idea why the radioactivity didn’t kill the yeast but bear with me now, it’s comic book, as a result of drinking this stuff he acquires the powers of … wine or more accurately someone who has had too much wine and became Drunkman.
Powers: When fighting criminals calls out “Hey you, come back here, I need to talk to you, wait, I need to talk, …” once they are hypnotised by his sway and monotone he stumbles into them and falls on them pinning them until help arrives and the ones who are too fast he knocks them over by ejecting super slippery projectile vomit straight at them. They slip over & he staggers over and falls on them pinning them until help arrives.
Weaknesses: Occasionally sobers up for a few hours.
Foes: Unknown but they might be sleeping in parks or under the motorway or shop doorways the important thing is they’ve got weapons, lots of weapons, AWESOME weapons because they’re Americans and Americans just love their weapons.
They actually wrote it into their constitution that they have to be armed at all times because if they put their guns down Sergeant Major Britain will come back and free all the slaves.
Affiliates: Aperitif
Name: Field Marshal Britain
Origin: Originally a super fan of Bernard Montgomery, independently wealthy Frederick Matthew Britain was injured by a runaway horse at the Trooping of the Colours and taken to hospital in a coma.
When he awoke he saw F. M. Britain on the bed’s whiteboard and decided he must be Field Marshal Britain, superb organiser.
Nothing since has managed to shake this belief.
Powers: Since the accident he really has been a superb organiser.
Somehow he has convinced the government to release radioactive material to his “Secret” nuclear research laboratory.
Aims: To end all Britain’s and the other 15 Commonwealth Realms’ woes through the application of peaceful nuclear technology.
Weaknesses: Minimal attention to safety. Half the heroes in the Realms originated in accidents at his lab.
In 2015 I briefly did a joke about stupid superheroes, centred on Drunk Man, Woman Man + others at Field Marshal Britain‘s labs, loosely based on the style of the Marvel comics I devoured as a child in the 1960s.
Basically: Radiation + accident-> Super powers.
I revisited this joke in 2023-2024.
Now I’m doing an expanded set of Supers as memes.
Starts tomorrow.
