AucklandComedy – Page 2

Home Cooking

I’m staying home and eating my own cooking.

Hmmm.

Safer to dine out.

Don’t say “Homeopathic”, call it what it is “Homeopathetic.”

(Repost)

Homeopathic cure for drowning: Start with water & dilute it with water until there is no water left.

Covid scare: I was eating out & couldn’t taste my food.

Then I remembered I was in McDs.

Phew!

Physarum polycephalum is a slime mold with 507 sexes.

Can you imagine what their version of Tindr must be like?

Schrödinger could never tell if his girlfriend was satisfied or not.

Q: How many homophobes does it take to change a tyre?

A: One, the others stay in the car so they don’t touch his bum.

I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …

Every 10th joke is free!

In the doctors waiting room.

The magazines untouched while all the patients use our devices. I check a cover … older than the iPhone 1

I had to come out of the closet.

It was full of dresses that no longer fitted.