AucklandComedy – Page 9

Julia only thinks she is dying

Julia says “I think I am dying.”

DEATH replies “I’m awfully busy, wait your turn Julia.”

That’s settled then, my first festival show will be named “I only live this shit, I don’t understand it too.”

Don’t worry about being alive.

I know it’s just a phase you’re going through, you’ll grow out of it.

Some comedians will kill.

Others will die.

Either way I’m happy.

JFK: Ich bin ein Texaner.

Ronald Regan: Mr Trump tear down this wall.

I buy my socks in pairs, I wear my socks in pairs, I put my socks in the laundry together and I still get odd socks.

I sort of understand this, but how the hell does it happen to my pantihose?

Was a viking’s wife a viqueen?

DEATH: Here I am, laughing in the face of life.

(The mythological character formerly known as DEATH)

Julia: I have a bad cold.

DEATH: That’s funny, I have a bad Julia.

(The mythological character formerly known as DEATH.)

Nobody needs to be unemployed in this country.

You can always get a job sitting outside Burger bars asking for spare change.