I’ve started a loyalty scheme for my fans …
Every 10th joke is free!
Tag: Comedy
Out of the Closet
I had to come out of the closet.
It was full of dresses that no longer fitted
At the Doctors
In the doctors waiting room.
The magazines untouched while all the patients use our devices.
I check a cover … older than the iPhone 1
Lipstick
When I say I fix up my lipstick after smoking, I mean I can only find my lipstick when I’m searching my handbag for a lighter!
Reposession
Forget to pay the exorcist & be repossessed.
Early Bird
We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.
You Do The Maths
Don’t ever say to a geek “You do the maths.”
We’ll stare at the ceiling for 5 minutes then say “72”, by which time you’ve forgotten the question.
Recycling
Definition of irony: I just discovered my recycling bin has no recycling mark.
Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I’ll have to send it to the landfill.
Parallels
What about those parallel universes?
Like ours except for trivial changes.
Untold numbers of realities where Hillary was elected, dozens where Jacinda never replaced Little, a few where Trump was a good president and maybe even one where Windows doesn’t crash?
Boundaries
They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.