NZComedy – Page 8 – Julia Clement

Placebos

My hypochondria’s so bad my doctor prescribes me broad spectrum placebos.

It’s getting dark outside.

I think I’ll go and panic buy light bulbs.

I look pretty hot in everything except maxi-dresses.

Nobody looks good in a maxi-dress.

Time and peristalsis wait for no-one.

A new study shows that people will believe almost anything that begins “New study shows.”

Why do I feel like I’m living in a Philip K. Dick novel?

Probably “Now Wait For Last Year.”

I don’t believe in karma.

I’m still trying to decide how I feel about korma!

Toilet paper shortage?

I’m switching to a low fibre diet for the duration.

I don’t want to seem irrational but I can never remember if numbers are real or imaginary or both and that’s integral to a complex problem!

I’ve come to the conclusion that conspiracy theorists bypass Occam’s razor in favour of Occam’s epilator!