NZComedy – Page 12 – Julia Clement

Coalition

Best thing about being in a coalition?

You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.

Worst thing?

You get blamed for their bad policies.

Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.

Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C: Chilli, cucumber, courgette, cavocado and comato; into blender and eaten with Corn chips.

I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.

It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.

If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.

So let’s get this straight.

Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt?

Q: Where is decaf coffee made?

A: Ground zero.

If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.

(After George Orwell, 1984)

Sometimes I forget I’m dead.

The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.

Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.