NZComedy – Page 12 – Julia Clement

Ending Homelessness

If Luxon does end homelessness, who’s going to guard the shop doorways in Queen Street overnight?

The homeless woman that normally begs outside the Newmarket burger bar wasn’t there today.

I hope she’s gone somewhere nice for her vacation.

Why would I buy accounting software from someone who can’t even spell Zero?

I’m unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects.

Personally I’d rather my blood was given to humans not rats.

LSD’s original name was LSD-25.

Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until #25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab’s portcullis.

Why does autocorrect “fix” everything except my real typos?

Best thing about being in a coalition?

You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.

Worst thing?

You get blamed for their bad policies.

If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.

So let’s get this straight.

Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt.

Q: Where is decaf coffee made?

A: Ground zero.