NZComedy – Page 11 – Julia Clement

Importer Syndrome

I think I’ve got importer syndrome.

That feeling all my success comes from overseas.

There’s a new dating app out for people who want to date Australians. It’s called Ockr.

Their slogan is “Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, swipe, swipe, swipe.”

Day 12,345, still no Godot.

DEATH steps in.

Birthdays are funny things.

We’re basically celebrating that we haven’t died during the previous 365 days.

Why not celebrate the last day of every month we haven’t died in?

More parties.

I’m over donating to cancer.

The cynical bastard takes our money and keeps killing people.

WTF – Briscoes are having a sale! ???

It’s the end of civilisation as we know it.

Next you’ll have men and women marrying each other and we’ll all be getting bargains at The Warehouse.

Methamphetamine, morphine, methadone, and cocaine found in Auckland sewer system.

Where’s the crocodiles?

I ate a plant based carrot once and it was horrible.

Be careful out there gourmands.

My joke about thinking trees flopped.

It was too cerebral for most and too arboreal for others.

Julia: At an open mic, some comedians will kill and others will die.

DEATH: All good. Either way suits me.