Joke-a-day – Page 19 – Julia Clement

Cancer

I’m over donating to cancer.

The cynical bastard takes our money and keeps killing people.

Have you ever noticed that insecure men’s penis jokes are like their own equipment: Too long, reedy and lacking strength?

Methamphetamine, morphine, methadone, and cocaine found in Auckland sewer system.

Where’s the crocodiles?

I ate a plant based carrot once and it was horrible.

Be careful out there gourmands.

Remember what happened last time Britain left Europe?

The Saxons invaded.

My joke about thinking trees flopped.

It was too cerebral for most and too arboreal for others.

WTF – Briscoes are having a sale! ???

It’s the end of civilisation as we know it.

Next you’ll have men and women marrying each other and we’ll all be getting bargains at The Warehouse.

Julia: At an open mic, some comedians will kill and others will die.

DEATH: All good.

Either way suits me.

Does the bar serve diet blood or just that crappy blood zero?

Asking for a friend.

DEATH: Et in Arcadia Ego.

(“Even in Arcadia, there am I”, Mission Bay not Arcadia, but who’s counting?)