I’m unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects.
Personally I’d rather my blood was given to humans not rats.
Category: Joke-a-day
Experimental Joke-a-day
LSD
LSD’s original name was LSD-25.
Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until #25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab’s portcullis.
Dot Coms
When I registered juliaclement.com, Godaddy suggested I should also register juliakind.com and juliamild.com.
Dickens
When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply “Dreadful, that’s like something out of Dickens” shake my head & walk off
…
I would have made a great Disney villain.
Autocorrect Real Typos
Why does autocorrect “fix” everything except my real typos?
Coalition
Best thing about being in a coalition?
You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.
Worst thing?
You get blamed for their bad policies.
Tap Dancing
Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.
Geniuses
If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.
Dinner by C
Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C:
- chilli,
- cucumber,
- courgette,
- cavocado and
- comato;
into blender and eaten with Corn chips.
(Yes, avo & tomato are deliberately misspelled)
Innuendoscope
I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.
It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.