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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Tag: Comedy

Old Phone

Old Phone

My iPhone is so old that when I pick it up, Siri says “Number please?”

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 7, 2025November 1, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, iPhone, NZComedy, Old Phone

Whales

Whales

Question on a quiz show: The main food of Blue Whales is?

  • Krill,
  • Anchovies,
  • Sardines?

Obviously Krill, how’s a whale going to open a can?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 6, 2025November 1, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Blue Whales, Comedy, NZComedy

Bonfire Night

If they ban fireworks at Guy Fawkes, how do we stop the papists returning and blowing up parliament?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 5, 2025October 23, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Bonfire Night, Comedy, Fireworks, Guy Fawkes, NZComedy

Too Close?

Too Close?

Time to get tough on people who stand too close to themselves.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 4, 2025November 1, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Covid, Masking, NZComedy, Sick, Social Distancing

Cats

Cats

Are my wife’s pets my step cats or my cats-in-law?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 3, 2025November 1, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Cats, Comedy, NZComedy, Pets

Lonely?

You can’t call a person truly alone who has social media and 5G coverage.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 2, 2025October 30, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags 5G, AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Social Media

Epilator

The epilator took 15 years to develop.

One to make it work & fourteen to make it hurt more.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on November 1, 2025November 1, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Epilator, NZComedy, Pain

Monsters (Halloween Repost)

Why do zombies eat brains?

Why do vampires avoid the sun?

Why do werewolves hump your leg?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on October 31, 2025October 30, 2025Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Monsters, NZComedy, Vampires, Werewolves, Zombies1 Comment on Monsters (Halloween Repost)

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