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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Month: July 2026

Roomba

Roomba

Sibling Rivalry: My Roomba just choked itself trying to eat the big vacuum cleaner’s power cord.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 19, 2026July 17, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy, Roomba, Vacuum CleanerLeave a comment on Roomba

Rats

Rats

I’m unable to donate blood as when one of my medications is given in huge doses to pregnant rats it can cause birth defects.

Personally I’d rather my blood was given to humans, not rats.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 18, 2026July 17, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Blood, Comedy, Medication, NZComedy, RatsLeave a comment on Rats

LSD

LSD

LSD‘s original name was LSD-25.

Dr Albert Hofmann synthesized new forms until number 25 when flying purple giraffes blocked the lab’s portcullis.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 17, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, LSD, NZComedy, ScienceLeave a comment on LSD

Dot Com?

Dot Com?

When I registered juliaclement.com, Godaddy suggested I should also register juliakind.com and juliamild.com.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 16, 2026July 14, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags DomainName, DotCom, GodaddyLeave a comment on Dot Com?

What the Dickens?

What the Dickens?

When someone describes a first world problem, I like to reply “Dreadful, that’s like something out of Dickens” shake my head & walk off …

I would have made a great Disney villain.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 15, 2026July 14, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Dickens, FirstWorldProblems, NZComedyLeave a comment on What the Dickens?

Autocorrect for Real

Autocorrect for Real

Why does autocorrect “fix” everything except my real typos?

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 14, 2026July 11, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Autocorrect, Comedy, NZComedy, TyposLeave a comment on Autocorrect for Real

Coalition

Coalition

Best thing about being in a coalition?

You can blame unpopular policies on your partners.

Worst thing?

You get blamed for their bad policies.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 13, 2026July 11, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Coalition, Comedy, NZComedy, NZPol, Policies, Politics

Tap dancing Lesson

Tap dancing Lesson

Tap dancing lesson #1: Drink two pots of tea with no toilet breaks.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 12, 2026July 11, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags 1, AucklandComedy, Comedy, Dancing, NZComedy, Tap

Geniuses

Geniuses

If I seem smart it’s because I’m copying over the shoulders of geniuses.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 11, 2026July 7, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Genius, NZComedy

Dinner

Dinner

Tonight’s dinner was bought to me by the letter C:

  • Chilli,
  • cucumber,
  • courgette,
  • cavocado, and
  • comato;

into the blender and eaten with Corn chips.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on July 10, 2026July 7, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Dinner, Food, NZComedy

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