I’ve just invented the innuendoscope.
It has a small but powerful loudspeaker in the tip that tells risque jokes from inside your anus.
Author: A Joke A Day
Closet
So let’s get this straight.
Harriet Potter was forced to stay in the closet by her transphobic uncle & aunt.
Decaf Coffee
Q: Where is decaf coffee made?
A: Ground zero.
1984 Redux
If you want a picture of the future, imagine Mickey Mouse’s shoe stamping on a human face — forever.
(After George Orwell, 1984)
Forget I’m Dead
Sometimes I forget I’m dead.
The woman who inherited my PC is baffled whenever she notices I’ve been posting on it.
Circular Rugby
Rugby may be a game of two halves but circles are a game of 2π.
Say Something
OK Julia, you’re supposed to be a comedian. think of something funny to say.
Hamlet
No spoilers please, but Hamlet does win in the end, doesn’t he?
I mean Shakespeare wouldn’t be such an amateur that the hero loses?
Life Guard
Life guard at the pool said my swimsuit was too revealing then asked if I was male or female.
I replied “Then it can’t be that revealing.”
Mnemonic
I wrote a letter today and used the word “Mnemonic” four times.
Every single time I spelled it wrong, so I wrote this little mnemonic to remember it “Many Nematodes Eat Mushy Organic Noodles In Cafes” which would be great if only I could remember how to spell nematoads.