A Joke A Day – Page 2 – Julia Clement

Centipedes

I’m writing some new gags on centipedes.

I’m sure this idea’s got legs.

The Earth may not be flat but my bike’s rear tyre is.

I once lived in an apartment with a Smeg washing machine.

It worked well but to wash my underwear I needed to carefully clean the bowl first.

I’m convinced AI stands for “Artificial Incompetence.”

I looked up cormorants and shags on Wikipedia.

Seems the only difference is cormorants lack crests and the crested birds just want to shag.

Why did the chicken cross the toad?

Because it was a poor typist!

No need to bulk buy toilet paper.

Unwind it to get more than one wipe per roll.

Caesar said “Veni, vidi, feci sem” (I came, I saw, I made salad)

Why do pilot’s uniforms still look like military officer uniforms from the 1940s?

I’ve just realised.

Butter really doesn’t melt in vegans’ mouths.