I had to come out of the closet.
It was full of dresses that no longer fitted.
Author: A Joke A Day
Lipstick
When I say I fix up my lipstick after smoking, I mean I can only find my lipstick when I’m searching my handbag for a lighter!
Bill
Forget to pay the exorcist and be repossessed.
Early Bird Special
We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.
Mathematics
Don’t ever say to a geek “You do the maths.”
We’ll stare at the ceiling for 5 minutes then say “72”, by which time you’ve forgotten the question.
Rocket Fuel
Rocket fuel is so toxic that over 55 years later nothing grows at the Apollo 11 landing site!
Recycling
Definition of irony: I just discovered my recycling bin has no recycling mark.
Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I’ll have to send it to the landfill.
Parallels
What about those parallel universes?
Like ours except for trivial changes.
Untold numbers of realities where Hillary was elected, dozens where Jacinda never replaced Little, a few where Trump was a good president and maybe even one where Windows doesn’t crash?
Boundary Changes
They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.
Gum Crime
Gum crime is out of control!
Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.