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Julia Clement

Comedian, Playwright, Director, Producer

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Julia Clement

Category: Joke-a-day

Experimental Joke-a-day

Centipedes

Centipedes

I’m writing some new gags on centipedes.

I’m sure this idea’s got legs.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 5, 2026June 4, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Centipedes, Comedy, Jokes, NZComedy

Flat?

Flat?

The Earth may not be flat but my bike’s rear tyre is.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 4, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Bicycles, Bikes, Comedy, Flat, Flat Earthers, NZComedy

Washing Machine

Washing Machine

I once lived in an apartment with a Smeg washing machine.

It worked well but to wash my underwear I needed to carefully clean the bowl first.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 3, 2026May 31, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, Laundry, NZComedy, Underwear, WashingMachine

AI?

AI?

I’m convinced AI stands for “Artificial Incompetence.”

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 2, 2026May 31, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AI, Artificial Intelligence, AucklandComedy, Comedy, NZComedy

Cormorants

Cormorants

I looked up cormorants and shags on Wikipedia.

Seems the only difference is cormorants lack crests and the crested birds just want to shag.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on June 1, 2026May 31, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Comedy, cormorants, NZComedy, shags, Wikipedia

Cross The Toad?

Cross The Toad?

Why did the chicken cross the toad?

Because it was a poor typist!

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on May 31, 2026May 30, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Autocorrect, Chicken, Comedy, CrossThetoad, NZComedy, Spelling, Toad

Panic Buying?

Panic Buying?

No need to bulk buy toilet paper.

Unwind it to get more than one wipe per roll.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on May 30, 2026May 25, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Bulk Buying, Comedy, NZComedy, PanicBuying, ToiletPaper

Caesar

Caesar

Caesar said “Veni, vidi, feci sem” (I came, I saw, I made salad)

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on May 29, 2026May 25, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Caesar, Comedy, Food, NZComedy, Salad

Butter

Butter

I’ve just realised.

Butter really doesn’t melt in vegans’ mouths.

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on May 27, 2026May 25, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Butter, Comedy, Food, NZComedy, Vegans

KFC?

KFC?

I’m considering making a follow-up to “Supersize Me” where I eat KFC every day.

It’s called “Lick my fingers.”

Julia head and uper body with one hand covering the mic.Author A Joke A DayPosted on May 26, 2026May 25, 2026Categories Joke-a-dayTags AucklandComedy, Chicken, Comedy, Fast Food, KFC, NZComedy

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