When I say I fix up my lipstick after smoking, I mean I can only find my lipstick when I’m searching my handbag for a lighter!
Tag: NZComedy
Reposession
Forget to pay the exorcist & be repossessed.
Early Bird
We have a super early bird special for people who already have worms.
You Do The Maths
Don’t ever say to a geek “You do the maths.”
We’ll stare at the ceiling for 5 minutes then say “72”, by which time you’ve forgotten the question.
Recycling
Definition of irony: I just discovered my recycling bin has no recycling mark.
Meaning when it wears out or the council changes it I’ll have to send it to the landfill.
Parallels
What about those parallel universes?
Like ours except for trivial changes.
Untold numbers of realities where Hillary was elected, dozens where Jacinda never replaced Little, a few where Trump was a good president and maybe even one where Windows doesn’t crash?
Boundaries
They renamed the K-T boundary to the K-Pg boundary because the thought of asteroids wiping out the dinosaurs was too much for young children.
Gum Crime
Gum crime is out of control!
Yesterday there was a large chunk stuck to my shoe.
Athletes
One country’s athletes have been banned from Paralympics for doping.
The clue was their diabetic team weren’t in a coma.
Hedgehogs
Hedgehogs may look cuddly but they are selfish pricks.